Between Life and Death

By: Evan Sahraeian

Seeking our new destination, to find a new place in that neighborhood, there was one house, it was two floors, the owner was living on the ground floor and the top floor was empty we thought our luck was right on time, the husband told us they don�t usually rent the top floor because his wife was not okay with living with anyone and he whispered with a smile and fear in his eyes and said: ��my wife is crazy.�� fortunately the wife heard him and said �� its fine for them we will rent it.�� husband was shocked from what he just heard, and told us that he has never heard something like that from his wife. afterward, we moved in right away started unpacking, what an spectacular fortune, an entire floor just for us, with no one stealing or watching us all the time, this is how it feels to be rich, right? for now, everything was going smoothly until things slowly took a different turn, from small things like no kid from the neighborhood was allowed to come and see us or even call us from the door, if they do dare to step a foot in the yard, the wife would beat them, and run after them in the neighborhood, but she never lay a hand on us, as a child I was scared of her, with all the joy of playing outside with other children I reach the front door, turn the joy off tip toe to upstaires then turn it back on,like that was some kind of silnet movies moments, nevertheless when I look back I dont hate or blame her, because of the history of that town however anyone behaved I would never be able to say they were bad people or judge them, because only them and God knows what they have been through, howmany family members they have lost? even though they have survived many were infected by the chemical gas, back to the drama, both families were sharing one bathroom which was the shower too, some times one would do a pee dance but not allowed to use the bathroom, and there was one source of water, it was one tap in the yard for all, at first it was ok but after a while, she started tying the tap with a piece of cloth and we were not allowed to touch it, this is all I can remember about that place, with all we couldn�t take it anymore we left that house too, the husband was right from the start we shouldn�t have taken it, but it was better than nothing.

Furthermore, moving was easy for us, because we didn�t need much to do, all it took was the decision and start packing by this point we have become experts at like spys with blouen identities, everyone knew the drill, we moved out peacefully, and started searching for a new house again, we saw an abandoned house most of it was fallen apart one room was still standing, with was a big hole in the yard, only God knows what had happened here, on the side of the hole there was a bathroom, what could be better than this, one good room, and no rent, because of the hole in the middle of the yard, my mother had to put me on her shoulders if i wanted to use bathroom, couldn�t come and go by myself, others were older than me so they could manage by themselves, the house was like a jungle and best playground for us, that room was cozy we reach it after being in the jungle pretending this was our cave now that we are here we will be safe, my mother making food, telling us stoires, I think I have heard those storied hundreds of time but i was never getting tired of them, apart from the hard floor which was uncomfortable to fall sleep on, everything was alright, well for me as a kid again I dont know how my mother was dealing with it, to this day when I talk to my her about it she has some funny stores and says �� leave the past, it doesn�t do you any good to think about those hard times.�� she thinks I am feeling sorry for myself or it makes me sad , on the contrary they are all stories for me and adventures, those places were magical for me, and now an adult  knowing i came out of them alive, unbreakable, and strong made me who i am today.

meanwhile, we had a place that we could be safe in, but my mother would look around for a better place to rent during the day, this time she was not in a hurry to find a good place because we were already in that house. since we didn�t know who was the owner, and my mother was keep saying �� it is not right  for us to stay here without paying any rent.��

From here on we decided to go back to the first neighborhood near the house of (scorpions), we found a good house with a yard a garden, it was clean, two-room and a porch, we were close to other families, everyone was happy to see us, they loved us there, because we already knew the kids, everything went back normal it felt like home again, they only thing that was different this time, it was during a civil war  between two political parties in that area, if someone lived in those areas they were already counted to be with the party which was ruling that town and places around it, the one which was attacking was actually from our original city. during our time there, we never told anyone where we were from exactly, the only person who knew was the woman who rented us the house my mother told her that she had a brother who was killed in war but that one was a different war, before my meromires, that war was for the whole nation not a civil war, anyways for that she respected my mother and gave us the house, some times when the sirens went off, the whole neighborhood would run to the underground places, I was dying to see them, like its some kind of magical undergrown world, in my imagination I could find anything I wanted there now that I think of it its some how like Narnia, but my mother never let us go there not even once,like we were some kind of super hero family untachbale, we were always the only family stayed in our home. 

Once when the attacking party was getting close they were taking back control of the town, this I remember like it was yesterday because I have never been so scared in my life, anyway, there was a weapon in our house, my mother said �� we have to get rid of this weapon, if they come and find here they would think that we are working for the other political party,  she hid the weapon under her clothes and we went out of the house.

On the way we came across six or seven I am not sure how many soldiers. They saw us and started checking mother, as she was the only adult, they found the gun.

The soldiers started discussing what to do between themselves, one of them said:�� we will take the gun and let them go.�� there was one soldier I will never forget he had red, hair red beard he was insisting that they should kill my mother, he was sure my mother was taking that weapon for someone like her husband or someone she knows on the other side, I started crying because they were saying everything right in front of us, my mother was not scared she told them, that she is a widow so there is no husband to cover for, and she mentioned the war and the time where her brother was killed �martyr�, she told them � not only I am not helping, I am with you with my blood not just for you, I would never betray my brother�s soul.� at this point we, the children were crying and scared of losing our mother become orphans, with no one to take care of us, can you imagen being like a four year old child look up in fornt of you some giants with guns and uniforms holding your entire future on their tips of fingers, however my mother didnt look scared at all, how could she stay so calm, I dont know if she was but still up to today she says ��I knew they would never hurt me, why would they?�� How is it possible someone at the point of losing their life has that much hope in humanity? or maybe it was not humanity she had hope in, maybe it was her faith and strong belief in God, now that I think of it, no matter what kind of situation where we were in bad or good, my mother never skipped one day without praying, maybe that was it, next the solders stopped arguing among themselves and decided they would let us go, but they will take the weapon and bullets, they told us to go back home, maybe someone else wouldn�t be as understanding as them if they see us outside, How happy I was to be given another day with my mother, I think at that moment all the feeling there is I must have felt them all at the same time, I was scared, happy, sad, confused, and hopeful, and angry at the man who was still as walking away arguing why did they let us go. we went back home, like nothing ever happened, still, no one talks about it like it wasn�t something important, 

As if we just finished watching a horror movie with a happy ending, but it was in one minute our entire life was about change even to worse to what we had, to look at death in the eyes, not even yours but the life of someone that your survival depends on �a mother� I am sure God was watching over me and gave me back my mother because I have never asked for more than that as a child.

From here on in this town life became a little easier we stayed among those good people for some time until the school year was very close so it was necessary to go back near the town so my siblings were able to go back to school as for me to start my first year, I was dying to start, my new adventure but this one on my own.