A Glimpse of Light

#5

by: Evan Sahraeian

Ernest Hemingway said: ��Every man�s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.�� sometimes I wonder if I had a normal life, with a stable life without worries would I be a different person or this way of life carved this personalty on me, either way, I am grateful for every passenger that I have met until here and for the ones that will come. in my last writing, I mentioned starting my new adventure by starting school, I know the first year of school is not an adventure, but I believe adventures change by how much one grows not by age but mentally, each adventure is just one step either stepping forward like when one says the word adventure first thing comes to mind might be jumping from an airplane, yet this is also one step the decisions are always ours either forward or backward, whether that step is to walk away from a toxic relationship, going for that interview that makes you restless the night before, to me surviving in a hard life and these all can be adventures for we can�t know the result until we do them, or even starting the first year in school, in a situation that you never lived long in one house in your entire life can be one.

Moving again, started going back to the town, by this time my oldest brother was visiting more and sometimes help out financially mostly, this made it easy to find a clean, quiet place, and it was just for us, it was on the corner of an alley right next to the door was an electricity pole,  most of the time instead of using the door I would go on the wall hug the pole and slide outside like a firefighter, the house had a yard then comes porch two doors were facing the porch like an L shape, I remember on the ceiling of the porch a piece of metal was sticking out, I guess its those iron bars that were used in bulding cement houses because it was very strong, so first thing my mother did for me was, she made a swing for me, it was so strong that everyone was testing it and it never broke, in the yard, there was a grape tree which was covering the whole roof of the yard and my goal was to go as high as I can until my feet touches the leaves. 

On registration day, my mother walked me to the school, since I had two older siblings I guessed it would be easy, no one will ever fight with me, well I was wrong to tell you why I have to explain how was the system back then. So one school was acting like two they were working in two shifts to take in as many children as possible, morning shifts would start from 8 until 12 and evening shifts were starting from 12:30 to 4 in the afternoon, then each shift would work three days in the morning and 3 days in the evening. This is how I was wrong both my sister and brother were on the opposite one so I was all alone, and they were together I remember how jealous I was.

On the second day, I remember one of the teachers were reading names in my class, each student were supposed to give both parents names, my turn came she asked what is your father�s name I gave my mothers name, then she asked what is your mother�s name again I gave my mothers name, the teacher became upset asked me to bring my mother to school next day, she thought I was making fun by that until my mother explained that to me,  both father and mother are the same persons, this was my first hard lesson in school knowing that I don�t have a father but being in a place like that no one would treat you any differently because almost everyone had lost someone so fit right in, I believe for the teachers back then after six years of the chemical attack and losing five thousand souls, seeing young children opening school doors, to put the town back on its feet and teach a new generation was the goal. not just us, most people were struggling during that time, not only the school was free, they used to distribute food for all the students and staff in the school, I can still smell that hot cup of milk in the morning warming up my soul with enough energy for the entire lessons. We would wait in line for our turn to come, everyone had to bring their cup, plate, and spoon, to eat, I remember my cup was some sort of metal one because until the last sip it was burning both my lips and hand, what a joyful pain it was. After the last class which was normally five classes, sometimes six, it was lunchtime, which was served by the cleaning staff, based on my memory, or how they treated me they were always fair to everyone.

Back in the house, everything else was going smoothly, three of us were back in school one of my brothers who as a baby had a brain stroke, was not going to school, he had always preferred to work and stay close to my mother, life was good we had neighbors, I had lots of friends playing together, the favorite game was jumping in the abandoned houses in the neighborhood, and hide and seek because unfortunately there were many houses that we could hide in, it was fun for us to have this many options now looking back, each house represented a lost family that no one had any idea where they were or even if they were still alive.

some nights when it was too hot inside the house, we would sleep on the roof it was something normal at the time, all we needed was some cold water and a lantern, we would put down our mattresses, blankets, and pillows all next to each other the luckiest one would be the one gets to sleep next to mom, being the youngest it was normally myself, I would never use my pillow my mother�s arm was always my favorite pillow. Countless stars in the sky, we could hear the laughter of other families, on their roofs, babies cry, mothers, shouting to put their child to sleep. If I could paint one of those nights, it would be both happy and sad, each lantern looked like a star that decided to visit those families to bring light into their lives, all shapes of round yellow faces gathered around the light some playing, others telling stories, then you could see how the adults were trying with their heart and soul to hide all those pian and put on a brave face for their loved ones, to keep what they have left and continue living.

moreover, the story of this beautiful sad, brave town, finished after the school year,  because we went back to our city, we stayed with a relative for less than a month after that another journey started, this time to a different country (illegally) in the mountains and forest, what happened so far compared to what happens next was a piece of cake.