Make-believe Paradise

by: E. A. Saharaeian

From all the houses this one was the smallest, to be more clear it wasnt a house it was a small room and one bathroom in front of the room about 3 to four meters away, this room was at the end of that neighborhood, after it, no more houses came after it, it was just wild and natural as if we were the connecting point between nature and civilization, no one knew who that abandoned lonely house belonged to, or why was it there to begin with, what was its purpose, I still don�t know, it was a mystery to everyone, no one dared to live in as it was abandoned for a long time before we moved in. This one room was made of clay and stones and the roof was wood bars and mud, so during rain, someone must go on the roof with a special stone that workes like roller and flatten the mud so it wouldn�t leak, this is something one must do every time it rains with these kinds of houses, being the oldest and the only adult with us it was always my mother�s duty, the room had one small iron window, which had its own mysterious story which we will get to it later on, this small rusty old window was facing a wheat field, this hill was beautiful in winter when it was covered with snow, it was like a bridal veil covering her face, and all the children were sliding down, playing in the heart of the hill, during summer when it was all gold-brown showing her face she was ready to do it all over again, it was a sight that never disappointed anyone who noticed it. At the left side of the house, there was a mountain which was about one hour walk to reach the bottom of it, there wasn�t a real forest but it was covered with pine trees, that fresh smell of grass, earth, and pine trees all together felt like paradise, an unappreciated paradise, on this side there was small springwater where I spent most of my times alone, although I was about 7 or 8, I was putting some tea in an empty can, and sit by this tiny stream all day making up games building small dams, I don�t think I have ever felt lonely, sad or upset there. The view from there was breathtaking, there was a vineyard right behind me, the fields were in front of me and the mountain on the left, and at the same time, I could see the room or let�s call it my house on my right, it was a perfect landscape of nature. If you go to the back of the house there was a big wide vineyard full of all the colors of grapes although it had a spike fence since I was friends with the owner�s daughter we would sneak in as many times as we wanted, and build tiny houses under the trees in case there were any small people who needed somewhere to live they could take shelter in those houses, I believe we have spent most of my life to that point going from here to there I was building a small house for imaginary creatures in case they needed somewhere to live in, my friend, lived far from our house exactly behind that hill that had the vineyard, sometimes if I wanted to go in, I had a one spot in the fence I would sneak in under it build some more houses and leave.

Our neighbor was one of my older siblings who were not living with us anymore, together with their spouse they lived in a big house, well compared to what we were living in two rooms was a fancy house, more than half of their house was my mother�s, she paid and helped to build it, I am sure there are some family dramas there, my mother never wanted to owe anyone anything for her pride and always wanted us holding our head high, this was always most important to her. By now you know we had everything that you need to survive with on our back, so we unpacked, and it was time to run after school. apparently, the school has started for some time, maybe two weeks, because of that the schools in those areas were not accepting us, and would have missed one year which was not acceptable with my mother, she fought till at the end my sister and I started school, but both of my brothers one of them was 10 the other was 19 started working to support the family, and my mother was working as a lunch lady in a hospital, at that time the country was ruled by a dictator regime so it was under embargo and as a result almost all people were suffering from all that we were barely able to afford bread so we would buy flour, and make bread with coal on a small cylinder, we spent two years in that small room infront of the window which was the kitchen area, the middle of the room was dining, and sleeping area, at the back there was a blanket curtin to to separate it from the rest of the room it was a closet for matsreses, blankets and clothes, at night we would gather around that cylinder and lamp, to eat, talk and do homework, I remember I was spending most of time trying to turnoff the lamp with my exhaling from my nose that doing my homework, I was succeeding most of the times the room would get dark and no one doubt it was me not even once.

That beautiful window at night was a source of stories, danger, and fear, as it didn�t have glass in it, my mother was putting clear plastic on and then nailing it to the wall around it, yet every morning it was torn it looked like someone was doing it on purpose, we tried to figure it out or stay awake to see what happens but we never found out, in the end, my mother made up a story so we wouldn�t be scared she told us at night stray cats are fighting outside in front of the window and they are the ones tearing the plastic. During spring and until the beginning of fall we were sleeping outside under the sky it looked like a sparkling blanket hugging my whole family, makes us feel there is a better world out there, just like in my mothers� stories at the end every good character will be reward with a better life and their dream will come true, this place in front of the room, between the bathroom and the main room, with small rocks and stones, my mom made a wall from the left side of the room until the back of the bathroom it made it like a fence and our front yard, that half wall made us feel safe and scared at the same time because like the window, every night the most of the wall was falling, and during the day my mom was building it up again, but now this one somehow makes sense because there was nothing between the stones to make them stick together maybe that is why it was happening but still who knows!

One of the most entertaining games we were playing was finding wasp nests and destroying their homes, to be honest, I was too young my brother and sister were the masterminds of these wars, sometimes they were putting their nest on fire and smoke out all the wasps, but the wasps were always fighting back they wouldn�t just give in that easy, and we also were having casualties, we all would get stung, one time I was stung on my nose, it was very painful, but It was never a reason for us to stop doing it again. I remember one time with my siblings and cousins we went to the mountain we walked all the way and when we reached there, we started gathering pinecones and some small mushrooms then when we reached back home my mother didn�t let us eat any of the mushrooms saying that they might be poisonous. 

Recently I was thinking about the first job I thought it was my first teaching job, then I remembered when we were in that house and about 8 years old, kids in that neighborhood used to go to a place where they sold wood, fresh-cut ones, so I remembered that was my first job I have never thought about it before, till I started writing here, my brother, my sister and I were going there it was about a forty-minute walk we would go there with many other children, and peel off the bark of trees, later they were counting how many each child peeled and they were getting paid, and whatever bark you had peeled off, you were able to take it home, for wooden stoves, or some people were using it to make bread in ovens, now that I think about it I have never been paid for that I thought we were going for fun and it was just a game, I think this happened like two or three times, the one time I remember when we were going back home, a big yellow bulldozer was on the street he asked us where we were going and offered us a ride home, we were six or seven kids he told us to go inside the bucket he lifted up and drove us until the street near home, I felt like I was ruling the world from up there, and saluting my people, this was the Disney of my childhood.

To quote J.K. Rowling ��It�s a strange thing, but when you are dreading something and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up�� those two years in that small room passed very quickly despite the suffering, of hunger, cold, and fear the family of five we were happy and together which was most important to us after this is a very long downhill to fear and unknown, different kinds of suffering, I have noticed in life when you suffer if it comes from the world and its something not done by other human beings it feels safer than when your surrounding fellow humans 

Are the source of that pain, because you always know when its something that is no one�s fault you might have a chance to change it or work for it, but when the torture comes from human being and you don�t have any power to fight back you never know how long it will last, even more, when you are a child and don�t have any power it seems more dangerous.